February 29, 2024
@renmakesmusic/YouTube
The YouTube video 'Hi Ren' by U.K. musician Ren Gill tapped a vein among people with chronic illnesses and mental health issues, going viral and drawing a larger following to his music. His latest album topped the U.K. charts, beating out Drake and Rick Astley.
Welsh singer-songwriter Ren dreamed of hitting it big, selling tracks he composed on his computer when he was a young teen. He became a member of the indie group Trick The Fox and the busking band The Big Push, ultimately striking out on a solo career.
This momentum screeched to a halt, however, when a crippling illness struck Ren in the mid-2000s, confining him to bed up to 23 hours a day.
"My life changed overnight," Ren told the Daily Mail in 2016. "I woke up one morning feeling like I'd been spiked. I was having muscle spasms, and I kept having panic attacks."
Ren, whose real name is Ren Gill, was misdiagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome and bipolar disorder before finally receiving a diagnosis of Lyme disease. The process left him drained and often depressed. In 2010, he lost a close friend to suicide.
But Ren, now 34, did not give up.
He self-produced and released his debut album, "Freckled Angels," in 2016 and started uploading EPs to YouTube.
Ren's viral hit "Hi Ren" – which recently celebrated its one-year anniversary – became an underground anthem for people with mental health issues and chronic illnesses, attracting a larger audience to his music.
In October, Ren darted from the shadows to top the charts at No. 1 in the U.K. with his second album, "Sick Boi," beating out Drake, Rick Astley and other more widely acclaimed artists.
"Up until I was 9 years old, I would intermittently hear a voice in my head that was not my own. The voice was distinctly different to mine, and always negative," Ren wrote 24 hours before releasing his "Hi Ren" music video.
"For a long time I never really acknowledged this part of myself, for with it brought the danger and stigma of sounding like a crazy person," Ren added. "… I decided with my latest release, to the best of my ability, to capture and express this chess match of thought."
In the nearly 10-minute video, Ren, wearing a hospital gown and socks, sits in a wheelchair in a cellar with blue peeling paint and a flickering light. He plays acoustic guitar, raps and sings throughout the raw, gut-wrenching video as his character combats alternating hostile and compassionate voices in his head:
"You think those doctors are really there to guide you?
Been through this a million times
Your civilian mind is so perfect at always being lied to
OK, take another pill, boy
Drown yourself in the sound of white noise."
In the end, Ren rises to deliver a triumphant monologue about coming to terms with his psychological and physical struggles. Ren so authentically depicts the anguish of psychological conflict – and the peace that comes with radical acceptance – that "Hi Ren" has garnered more than 23 million views to date.
"Ren, I want u to know u are saving my life in this very moment!" one viewer wrote on YouTube. "Your song is pulling me out of a death spiral. Thank u for sharing your pain & inspiration."
"I have struggled with depression for a long time, and I've never been able to put into words what it's like inside of my head," another fan responded. "But you did! Thank you for being so raw and bringing light to what we go through!"
Mental health practitioners have widely shared their enthusiastic analyses of "Hi Ren" on YouTube.
"Honestly, what he said in the end was already like what else do you need to hear?" the therapist and musician Rosalie Elliott asked in a reaction video. "I mean (it's) the perfect, therapeutic, holistic monologue you can hear."
"Sick Boi" – the song and the album – chronicle Ren's battle with chronic illness that left him unable to play live. The spontaneous joy Ren and his friends celebrated upon hearing the news on a live broadcast that "Sick Boi" had reached No. 1 in the U.K. charts drew thousands of viewers on YouTube.
Now Ren is temporarily living in Calgary, where has been receiving intensive medical treatment for what he has referred to as an autoimmune disorder, possibly triggered by Lyme disease. In recent reels he has posted on social media, Ren looks strong, lifting weights and traveling around Canada and the United States with friends.
Inundated by adulation from fans, Ren hasn't done much press and did not respond to repeated requests for an interview in recent months. So far, Ren has shunned the mainstream music industry, self-producing his music with a tight-knit group of friends.
"Ren is uplifting an army of the sick and despairing," one fan responded to Ren's "Seven Sins" music video – a track from "Sick Boi" – on YouTube.
In the song, Ren raps:
"I lay broken on the kitchen floor
I clawed at the laminate
Pain wandered my body, an uninvited guest
Bones were a home where the devil could rest."
In an interview on National Public Radio's "Weekend Edition," Ren said: "What I'd really hope to inspire is just more open, compassionate and empathetic dialogue because I think the world's thirsty for it, man."
