October 18, 2024
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The loneliness epidemic acknowledged by Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy is having a profound effect on men. Research shows 40% of men report feeling lonely at least once a week, and men are less likely to seek help than women. Murthy points to relationships as the antidote, calling them 'a source of healing and well-being.'
Relationships are the secret sauce for maintaining healthy lifestyles. The motivation to live healthy, the "why" for men, is most powerful when tied to a man's emotional connections. Whether with a spouse, child, grandchild or good friend, relationships can provide purpose, a point most famously documented by Harvard's Study on Adult Development.
By extension, I've presented evidence that relationships can boost a man's ability to stay committed to his healthy behaviors. Yes, while diet and exercise may be the foundation of healthy living, what truly drives a man's willingness to embark on healthy practices and maintain positive routines are personal and emotional factors.
With this context, it should be no surprise that that absence of relationships and meaningful social interactions can be devastating to a man's (or a woman's) physical and mental well-being. According to U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy, "loneliness, isolation and a lack of connection" in the U.S. has created a public health crisis with significant consequences, including a 29% increased risk of heart disease, a 32% increased risk of stroke, and a 50% increased risk of dementia in older adults. Additional research shows that loneliness and social isolation can increase cancer among middle-aged men by 10%.
These same factors, the surgeon general says, can spur mental health challenges such as depression. Conveying the seriousness of this epidemic, Murthy equates loneliness and isolation to other public health issues like tobacco use, obesity and substance use disorders. Murthy points to relationships as the antidote, calling them "a source of healing and well-being."
A 2022 survey found that 25% of Americans thought loneliness was a crisis and 62% labeled it as a problem. Statistics from last year suggest loneliness was higher among those ages 18 to 29 than older adults. Still, the epidemic significantly affects those in middle age and beyond.
A 2023 poll from the University of Michigan found 34% of adults ages 50–80 reported feeling isolated from others, 37% felt a lack of companionship, and 33% listed infrequent contact (once a week or less) with people from outside their home.
Feelings of isolation were more common among people with fair or poor physical or mental health, and those with a health problem or disability that limits their daily activities. Isolated feelings also were more common among people who were not working or unemployed, and people who lived alone. These findings were consistent with prior polls dating back to 2018.
Gitnux, an independent market research platform, publishes data on male loneliness. Its 2024 report says 40% of men report feeling lonely at least once a week, and single men are three time more likely to report loneliness than married men. Also, 1 in 4 men say they lack close friends, and men are less likely to seek help for loneliness than women.
Additionally, 62% of men feel they cannot share their feelings with friends, and 30% report feeling lonely after a divorce. Loneliness increases the risk of substance abuse in men by 35%, boosts the risk of depression by 50%, and increases the risk of anxiety disorders by 26%.
Experts point to the factors driving male loneliness. Angelica Ferrara, a social psychologist at Stanford University and the author of "Men Without Men" says "the very qualities that patriarchal masculinity emphasizes are at odds with the things men most need to thrive." Ferrara says men are constrained from forming relationships between themselves by masculine stereotypes like hyper-independence, stoicism, strength, control and rationality. One point of hope is that many men and boys resist this pattern of isolation and paint a new vision for the types of relationships that are possible.
In YES! Magazine, writer Sara Youngblood Gregory suggests everyone, including women, should care about the fate of men, but explains that caring is tricky for many women because of traditional gender expectations of labor, open availability and mental load.
"For many women — especially those who are sexually and romantically involved with men — the burden of investing in men and their problems often blurs the line between care and caretaking," Gregory writes. In a great summary of the crises among U.S. men, Gregory offers a balanced perspective: "I believe that people should have a stake in the well-being, dignity, and happiness of others. But care doesn't mean fixing, and women (even journalists) don't have an inherent responsibility to raise the alarm or save the day."
The National Institute on Aging stresses the importance of healthy behaviors like exercising, eating healthy, getting 7 to 9 hours of sleep and engaging in enjoyable activities. It also recommends activities like restarting a hobby, taking a class, volunteering, joining a faith-based organization, or getting involved in your community.
The American Journal of Men's Health cites a lack of purpose in older men as a major contributor to loneliness, arguing that having a purpose in life may mitigate loneliness. The Journal presents studies that suggest the key to finding purpose is the quality of relationships – not the size of a man's social network. The research varies. Some experts suggest families, particularly children and grandchildren, can have a positive influence on men. Other findings show purpose in relationships with partners and friends. Either way, the Journal recommends that men use social media to create real life interactions and not rely on commentary for their social engagement. Finding people with similar interests and "true" friends are other proposed strategies.
And my own lived experience show the power of relationships in men. I have written about my late father and a group of men who met every morning at McDonald's to debate the state of the world. His routine provided a strong dose of purpose, intellectual stimulation and genuine fun that carried him to 91 years.
Loneliness is serious. It can impact your physical and mental health in a significant way. Though it impacts men and women of all ages, men face the double-whammy of a masculine culture that deters them from acknowledging their feelings of loneliness, and a social incapacity for proactively seeking the relationships that can mitigate their circumstances.
As the surgeon general says, relationships are "a source of healing and well-being." While it may take us our of comfort zone to develop and grow relationships, the results can bring a level of comfort, health and well-being that makes the effort more than worthwhile. Try it.
Louis Bezich, senior vice president and chief administrative officer at Cooper University Health Care, is author of "Crack The Code: 10 Proven Secrets that Motivate Healthy Behavior and Inspire Fulfillment in Men Over 50." Read more from Louis on his website.
