July 24, 2024
Navigating relationships can be tricky under any circumstances, but if you or your partner have post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), it can be extra difficult. Here’s some information about PTSD that may make it easier.
PTSD is a mental health condition caused by living through, witnessing, or hearing about traumatic events such as natural disasters, car accidents, acts of war, or sexual abuse.
When someone with PTSD encounters something that reminds them of the event, their brain makes them feel like they’re reliving it. That can cause them to respond as if they are in immediate danger, even though they aren’t.
Something that provokes a PTSD response is called a trigger. It can be anything the person with PTSD sees, hears, smells, tastes, or feels either physically or emotionally. Fireworks may be triggering to a traumatized combat veteran. A light, affectionate touch from another person may be triggering to a sexual abuse victim. Seeing stories, movies, or TV shows that are about or contain events similar to their traumatizing events can be triggering to anyone with PTSD.
The best way for people with PTSD to deal with potentially triggering events is to avoid them, but that isn’t always possible. Self-help practices, such as deep breathing, meditation, and expressive writing may be helpful, as can medication and psychotherapy.
The symptoms of PTSD can vary from person to person, but they are usually grouped into four categories:
• Intrusive memories: Distressing flashbacks, memories, and nightmares
• Avoidance: Avoiding things that are a reminder of the event
• Negative changes in thinking and mood:Feelings of hopelessness, problems with memory, or detaching from loved ones
• Changes in physical and emotional reactions: Being always on guard, startled easily, aggressive, irritable, or self-destructive
PTSD can have a profound effect on almost every aspect of a relationship. The partners of people with PTSD often find themselves navigating complex situations, sometimes leading to feelings of isolation, frustration, and helplessness. Understanding these impacts is important for both partners in the relationship to effectively manage the challenges PTSD can bring.
People with PTSD may try to avoid triggering events by doing things such as avoiding fireworks displays, or, in severe cases, going out at all. That may cause their partner to feel isolated and frustrated.
Communication can be more difficult for someone with PTSD. Their trauma may make it hard for them to trust others or express how they feel, often making them want to be left alone. Dealing with their PTSD symptoms may also be so all-consuming that it leaves them unable to listen carefully to and/or make decisions with someone else.
PTSD can impair a person’s problem-solving abilities. This can lead to them becoming overly dependent on their partner, especially if they’re reluctant to leave their home. This dynamic can strain a relationship, causing the partner to feel resentful and then feel guilty about their resentment.
People with PTSD and their partners may both suffer from chronic stress, which can lead to physical health problems such as gastrointestinal issues, headaches, and muscle pain. They are also more at risk for developing anxiety or depression.
The partners of those with PTSD may even become traumatized themselves, either from having to always monitor their behavior around their partner, or from empathizing with their partner so deeply that they experience PTSD symptoms.
People with PTSD may try to push their partners away for a variety of reasons. Nightmares about a traumatic experience may cause a person with PTSD to avoid sleeping in the same bed with their partner. If their trauma was related to sex, they may avoid it entirely.
Survivors of trauma caused by human actions, such as war or abuse, may have difficulty feeling safe and secure in a relationship. If they have a negative self-image, they may feel they don’t deserve to be with their partner. And if they are struggling with anger-management issues, they may push loved ones away to keep them safe.
In severe cases, people with PTSD may be hypersexual or more aggressive during intimate moments. Extreme anger caused by PTSD can potentially lead to verbal, physical, or sexual abuse. Substance abuse may also be an issue, which poses a risk to the person with PTSD and their partner.
If symptoms of PTSD are causing problems in a relationship, both partners should try to understand the condition better. The National Center for PTSD offers plenty of educational resources for people with the condition and their loved ones. Educational classes and support groups can also be valuable sources of information.
People with PTSD and their partners may want to participate in one-on-one talk therapy individually; couples therapy with their partner; family therapy; or group therapy. They also may find anger and stress management training useful.
PTSD can significantly affect a relationship, but understanding the condition can help both partners manage its effects. While many relationships evolve and adapt to the challenges PTSD presents, others might need to end for the safety and well-being of the individuals involved.
If you are feeling suicidal, seek immediate help by calling or texting the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. If you are the partner of someone with PTSD and feel threatened or are experiencing abuse, safety should be your priority, even if that means ending the relationship. The National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 offers support in such situations.
