We all know how it feels when someone oversteps our personal boundaries. Whether it’s a family member who consistently stops by unannounced, a colleague who pressures you into attending a happy hour every week, or a friend who offers unsolicited parenting advice, these types of encounters can leave us feeling frustrated and uncomfortable.
Setting healthy boundaries is the best way to let people know what you find acceptable and unacceptable. Unfortunately, boundaries are often established informally over time, which can make things uncomfortable when you need to remind someone of a boundary or set a new one.
Here are some tips to help you navigate these challenging situations:
1. Set boundaries early
To avoid misunderstandings later, you should set boundaries early in a relationship. That makes it easier for others in the relationship to know how to communicate and interact with you.
2. Start small
If the idea of creating boundaries makes you uncomfortable, start by setting small ones and working your way up to larger ones as you become more confident. And remember, you can always adjust boundaries later if necessary.
3. Communicate clearly
Make your boundaries clear and concise, so you’re able to explain them easily. If possible, specify what you find acceptable after explaining what you’re uncomfortable with. This may help the person better understand and more easily accept the boundaries you’re setting.
If you need to write out your boundaries to remember them, or if writing them down helps you formulate them, this can be an effective way to prepare for these conversations.
4. Practice makes perfect
Don’t expect to be able to set boundaries flawlessly the first time you try. You may understandably feel uncomfortable, and the person you’re explaining them to may be anything from bewildered to even angered.
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Unless the behavior is completely unacceptable (such as touching you without your consent), you can’t always expect someone to immediately change their behavior if they’ve been overstepping your boundaries unknowingly for a long time. The way they’ve been interacting with you may feel natural to them, and they may continue it without thinking.
If that happens, restate your boundaries. Be graceful at first to give them time to adjust. If they don’t abide by your wishes after a few reminders, you may need to respectfully inform the person that changes to the relationship may be necessary if they don’t begin to respect your boundaries.
5. Be ready for consequences
Stating boundaries can be stressful if you’re new to it, so it’s important to have some strategies to help you cope with the stress, such as meditating, deep breathing, or exercising. Don’t be afraid to seek support from a mental health professional — particularly if you’re having a difficult time setting boundaries with loved ones.
It’s also important to remember that setting or adjusting boundaries with friends and family may cause them to assert boundaries of their own. If that happens, try to respect their requests in the way you want them to accept and respect yours.
We set boundaries in every relationship, regardless of whether we know it or not. Creating healthy boundaries can improve your relationships by eliminating toxic dynamics so you can focus on the things that bring you closer together!