December 22, 2023
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Sleep divorce – going to bed separately from one's partner – can have positive health effects and strengthen relationships, experts say.
Many couples choose to sleep in separate rooms – a bedtime habit that may yield health benefits for both partners.
"Sleep divorce," as the trend is called, became a topic of discussion this week after actress Cameron Diaz detailed her preferred sleeping arrangement, during an episode of the "Lipstick on the Rim" podcast.
"We should normalize separate bedrooms," said Diaz, who is married to musician Benji Madden. "I have my house, you have yours. We have the family house in the middle. I will go and sleep in my room. You go sleep in your room. I'm fine. And we have the bedroom in the middle that we can convene in for our relations."
The sleep divorce trend is not limited to Hollywood, either.
In a survey published by the American Academy of Sleep Medicine last summer, more than one-third of adults said they occasionally or consistently sleep in another room to accommodate their partners. The bedtime habit was most common among millennials followed by members of Generation X, Gen Z and baby boomers.
The survey also found that men were more likely than women to sleep in a room other than the designated bedroom.
Though the term "sleep divorce" may sound harsh, many couples choose to sleep in separate rooms so they can get a better night's rest and positively affect their health and relationship.
The failure to get 7-8 hours of sleep each night has been linked to a higher risk of adverse health conditions like type 2 diabetes, heart disease, obesity and depression, according to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Studies also have shown that people who lack healthy sleep are more likely to engage in conflict with their partners and may have a harder time understanding or interpreting their partner's feelings.
So it may be healthier for couples to sleep separately if their sleep is consistently being disrupted by snoring or movement, or if one person is a night owl and the other is an early bird.
"We know that poor sleep can worsen your mood, and those who are sleep-deprived are more likely to argue with their partners," Dr. Seema Khosla, a pulmonologist and spokesperson for the AASM, said in July. "There may be some resentment toward the person causing the sleep disruption which can negatively impact relationships. Getting a good night's sleep is important for both health and happiness, so it's no surprise that some couples choose to sleep apart for their overall well-being."
Before diving into sleep divorce, couples may want to dig into the reasons for their sleep disruptions and whether it can be treated. If one partner is loudly and frequently snoring — especially when paired with choking or gasping — it could be a sign of sleep apnea, which is linked to serious health problems.
Sleep disruptions also may stem from restless legs syndrome, which causes the legs to twitch or kick, or the consumption of medications that cause insomnia or other sleep issues. Untreated medical conditions like diabetes, kidney disease, heart disease or cancer may lead to chronic pain or frequent bathroom trips.
If the possible underlying causes are addressed with treatments and coping mechanisms — which may include limiting alcohol intake, wearing ear plugs or elevating the head — and sleep disruptions are still occurring, the best option may be to forego sharing a bed, experts say.
"I tell couples to try to think of it not as a filing for sleep divorce, but as forging a sleep alliance," sleep specialist Wendy Troxel told CNN on Wednesday. "At the end of the day, there is nothing healthier, happier and even sexier than a good night of sleep."
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