Picking a team of the best ‘Almost Sixers’ from the Process era

For some reason, Steve Jeltz always comes to mind. I never saw the man play, but when the Phillies were rolling from 2007 to 2011, he seemed to be the default name that older fans (relatives, family friends, radio hosts, etc.) would bring up when reminiscing about the crappy baseball they watched to get to that point.

When things go well for a Philly sports franchise, you don’t exactly have to work hard to contrast the good times with the lean years.

Now, for the sake of argument, let’s say that the Sixers turn into a title contender down the road. If the Embiid-Simmons pick-and-roll is destroying Brad Stevens’ Celtics in the Eastern Conference Finals a few years from now, who will be Sixers fans’ Steve Jeltz?

James Anderson? Byron Mullens? Brandon Davies? Henry Sims? JaKarr Sampson? Hollis Thompson?

I don’t want to mock those guys. Most are borderline NBA players who were handed both an opportunity (to play in the NBA) and an impossible task (to try to win in the NBA). Those teams lost a lot of games by a lot of points, but they almost always played hard.

The beauty of The Process is that, through consistent salary cap manipulation and asset collection, there is a whole other group of players that feel totally detached from whatever the Sixers’ final product will be (even if that isn’t the case). I’m talking about players that were acquired by the Sixers that never actually played a second for the Sixers.

There are a bunch of them. Let’s call them “Almost Sixers.”

A big thanks goes out to Spike Eskin and Michael Levin of “The Rights to Ricky Sanchez” (said the name) for cutting down on the heavy lifting with the t-shirts they made last year. And now, I give you the best of the Process era’s “Almost Sixers”:

Awards

The Larry Andersen Award for 'Potential answer to a trivia question for all the wrong reasons'

Arturas Gudaitis and Luka Mitrovic, the 47th and 60th picks of the 2015 NBA Draft. When Gudaitis was selected, ESPN’s Fran Fraschilla said (and this is not a joke), “We’re at the warm body portion of the draft now.”

Oh yeah, the trivia question: Who were the two players the Sixers traded that allowed them to draft Markelle Fultz/Lonzo Ball/[Star X with the 2019 unprotected Kings pick]?

The People’s Champ Award

Chu Chu Maduabum (acquired in February ‘15 from Denver in the JaVale McGee trade that netted the Sixers Furkan Korkmaz, traded in July ’16 for Sasha Kaun), who deserves more than 1,672 Twitter followers.

The Ricky Sanchez Award for 'Potential name of a future podcast'

The Rights to Cenk Akyol (acquired in January ’15 with Jared Cunningham for Sergei Lishouk, traded in the aforementioned February ’15 JaVale trade).

The Mariah Carey Award for 'Most awkward moment on live television'

Elfrid Payton, who Sam Hinkie selected at No. 10 in the 2014 NBA Draft only in order to recoup a draft pick sent out by a previous regime. Too bad the front office didn’t tell Michael Carter-Williams:

The Team WHOP Award for 'Best forgotten rap group'

Vander Blue and Khalif Wyatt, who actually played preseason games for the Sixers. But more importantly, they formed a rap group (Team WHOP) with Tony Wroten and Carter-Williams:

And last but not least, here is the eight-man rotation of the “Almost Sixers” Dream Team accompanied by a short musical tribute:

Point guard, Mo Williams: The 2009 NBA All-Star was claimed by Bryan Colangelo’s front office and then waived immediately for salary cap purposes. Then Denver did the same thing to the Sixers. Fun!

Shooting guard, Danny Granger: Granger was reportedly “pissed” when he got traded to Philly in the Evan Turner trade and promptly bought out. Good times!

Small forward, Gerald Wallace: The Sixers shipped Jason Thompson to Golden State for Wallace in order to turn a two-year commitment into one. Wallace was waived before the season and received his last year of NBA checks from the Sixers.

Power forward, Andrei Kirilenko: This one actually got a little messy, and it appeared as if AK-47 had a good reason to be absent.

Center, Hasheem Thabeet: It’s a shame they didn’t even try to play Thabeet, almost the perfect process Sixer. Man, those were a great five days in August.

Backup guard, Jrue Holiday: This is only because the backcourt is awfully thin, but we’ll cheat because technically Jrue was a Process Sixer for about a month.

Backup big, Ronny Turiaf: He also ended his career with the Sixers by not playing for them. Brings great energy off the bench for this squad.

Backup big, Joel Anthony: My favorite of the bunch, because he wasn’t even actually a Sixer! The three-teamer between Houston, Philly, and Detroit at last year’s trade deadline was voided because of Donatas Motiejunas’ back issues.

Follow Rich on Twitter: @rich_hofmann