Week 1 is in the books, and it'll still be a while before we kill any teams off, although the Redskins and Buccaneers are on the watch list. Here's this week's hierarchy:
16) Redskins (0-1)
The Redskins were actually dominating the Dolphins in the first half Week 1, but the Skins didn't have much to show for it on the scoreboard. In fact, for the game, the Redskins outgained Miami 349-256 and they won the time of possession battle 37:54-22:06. However, as always, the Redskins' special teams units were awful. With a little over 10 minutes left in the fourth quarter, this happened.
The Skins' special teams rankings in each of the last seven seasons, via Football Outsiders:
| Year | Football Outsiders ranking |
| 2008 | 25th |
| 2009 | 23rd |
| 2010 | 25th |
| 2011 | 21st |
| 2012 | 28th |
| 2013 | 32nd |
| 2014 | 29th |
Since 2013, the Redskins have given up nine special teams TDs. They've scored none.
Last week: 16
It's pretty safe to say Marcus Mariota won the battle of the rookie quarterbacks:
| QB | Comp | Att | Yards | TD-INT | Rating |
| Marcus Mariota | 13 | 16 | 209 | 4-0 | 158.3 |
| Jameis Winston | 16 | 33 | 210 | 2-2 | 64.0 |
Winston was also sacked four times, and he fumbled twice. Winston's offensive line stinks, and he's going to struggle all year long.
Last week : 15
As he normally does, Aaron Rodgers owned the Bears, completing 18 of 23 passes for 189 yards (8.2 YPA), 3 TD, 0 INT, and a QB rating of 140.5. The Bears actually played about as reasonably well as they could hope for, and they still lost by eight at home.
Last week: 14
Morons.
Last week: 13
There was a lot of hype surrounding the Vikings heading into this season. Some even had them in the Super Bowl this season, with the reasoning that Adrian Peterson was a one-man team for so many years on a team that didn't have a QB or defense that now does.
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And then, the Vikes traveled to San Fran Week 1, and... (fart noise).
AP: 10 carries, 31 yards. Hope you didn't take him #1 overall in your fantasy draft.
Last week: 8
Drew Brees threw for 355 yards, which sounds impressive until you watch the game, when you realize it was all screens, dump downs, quick slants, and other short passes within five yards of the line of scrimmage. Like Peyton Manning, I think we're seeing the beginning of the end of Brees' greatness. You just don't see him rip it down the field anymore.
Also, this is always fun:
Escalate as the season progresses, please.
Last week: 7
Julio Jones enjoying a cup of his new favorite roast:
Last week: 12
The Vikings came into San Francisco over-hyped, and the Niners were thought of as on the ropes after half their team retired. And then the Niners proceeded to run it down the Vikings' throats all night. Impressive opening win.
Last week: 11
Nick Foles celebrated his first win with the Rams on a dragon's head.
Last week: 10
Three of the first four quarterbacks the Panthers will face this year are Blake Bortles, Ryan Mallett, and Jameis Winston. The schedule makers were kind to the Panthers D early this season.
Last week: 9
The Lions looked like the contenders I thought they were early against the Chargers when they took a commanding 21-3 lead. Then San Diego rattled off 32 unanswered points, and now I really have no idea what to think of Detroit. The Lions do a good job of stopping the run defensively, but clearly their pass D has some issues to work out.
Last week: 5
I must admit I was impressed with Carson Palmer watching him against the Saints this past Sunday. 19 of 32, 307, 3 TD, 0 INT, 122.8 QB Rating. While Brees was dinking and dunking all day, Palmer continuously took shots down the field, and generally speaking, good things happened.
Defensively, the Cardinals gave up a lot of yards, but tightened up in the red zone, holding New Orleans to 1-4 from inside the 20.
Last week: 6
The Eagles clearly have a very talented roster, but they're still turning the ball over, they're still giving up big plays, the run game is still disappointing, they didn't get pressure on the QB, and they missed a FG they should hit.
Are you good or what, Eagles? If so, play like it for four quarters, K?
Last week: 3
Lucky sons of bitches.
Last week: 4
It would be pretty easy to dismiss the Seahawks Week 1 loss by noting that Russell Wilson is 1-3 for his career in St. Louis, and 35-10 everywhere else. That would, however, ignore Seattle's really bad game defensively. Think the Eagles gave up a bunch of big plays Monday night? The Seahawks gave up eight pass plays of 20+ yards. To the Rams! In 2014, they gave up 32 on the entire season, which was best in the NFL. In 2013, they gave up 30, which was also the best in the NFL.
Last week: 1
I could try to think of something creative to say about the Packers every week, but for me, it's as simple as noting repeatedly that Aaron Rodgers is the best football player in the world.
Last week: 2
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