Today, I volunteered to write a story about an 18-year-old who may or may not have smoked pot – like, marijuana – at a recent concert.
This is a can’t-miss opportunity. Rare are the times in the media industry when you get a chance to cover something as groundbreaking and culturally transformative. Perhaps you’ve already heard about this sordid tale.
If not, it’s worth a recap:
A rebellious Harvard-bound (in a year) young woman by the name of Malia went to a concert festival called Lollapalooza in Chicago last month.
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Sure, she should've been with her parents in Philadelphia for their high-profile work-related function. But – for real – with acts like J. Cole, Lana Del Rey, Radiohead, Big Grams and Halsey on the four-day lineup, can you blame her for blowing off Philly for Lollapalooza?
I sure can’t! Hell, I’d have done the same thing if only to see Bastille perform “Pompeii” live. (That song so damn catchy that it’s my iPhone alarm-clock soundtrack.)
However, I’m 43, with a family for which I help provide, so I can’t exactly pick up and head out of town for a show (unless that show features Run The Jewels, so, yo, Killer Mike and El-P, lemme know where you at this fall).
On the other hand, the 18-year-old Malia still lives that jaunty kind of lifestyle that allows her to carry herself in a footloose and fancy-free manner (under the loving eye of armed security guards, of course!)
So that’s exactly what did she did in late July. And what ended up happening? Well, for one thing, she apparently “twerked,” which means she danced in a fashion that some puritanical types like the Rev. John Lithgow of Bomont, Oklahoma, would label provocative.
These moves garnered so much attention that they even talked about it in Pakistan.
That wasn’t it, though. Nope, not by a long shot.
Because today – Wednesday, Aug. 10, 2016 – people are taking about the “EXPLOSIVE VIDEO” of the young woman toking a marijuana cigarette, or a “reefer” (that might’ve been a tobacco cigarette, but I digress).
You can see some of the fallout here:
See what I meant? This. Story. Is. Huge!
Actually, I take all that back.
This story is nonsensical and the people pushing it forward as some sort of controversial reflection of the Obamas’ parenting skills are lowest-common-denominator C.H.U.D.s.
If Malia smoked a joint, who friggin' cares?
She’s an 18-year-old. At a concert. And her parents are nowhere to be seen.
Quite frankly, I’d be MORE concerned if she WASN’T smoking a joint.
Stop trying to make everything anybody in that family does out to be a controversy.
Just because Malia Obama is the daughter of a president and first lady doesn’t mean she should be deprived of escaping the spotlight in pursuit of the joys of youth.
If that means she’s gonna smoke a joint at a concert, let her smoke at a concert in peace instead of narcing her out to Glenn Beck or whoever’s left standing in the crazy-conservative ramblin’ pool.
So Malia, if you’re ever in Philly, don’t worry about being your smoky self (if that's even your thing). The worst thing that’s gonna happen if you get caught smoking with less that an ounce on you is, like, a $100 fine.
The national tide is turning in favor of marijuana and there is nothing reefer's haters can do to stop it. In fact, tamping down thoughts about narcs like those are the reason people smoke weed in the first place.