February 04, 2015
"Video games?" she suggests.
"Nah," I shoot back, dismissive.
"Go to the mall?"
"Nah. Was just there last week."
We both go quiet, eyes spinning around the room, thumbs twiddling, both of us fully aware of what comes next.
She speaks up.
"... Sheetz?"
"Sure. Let's go."
Repeat this scene with my high-school best friend a few dozen (or more) times, and you've got the majority of my Friday nights as a teenager in Pennsyltucky. It's not that we were boring -- to the contrary, I promise. It's that there was quite simply nothing to do in my hometown of Waynesboro, Pa.; what was there, I must emphasize, was either eye-roll-worthy levels of dull (teen night at a children's rollerskating rink? Groundbreaking), or plucked from the 1950s (church! On a Wednesday!).
Sheetz was my savior.
Need a sna -- excuse me, "shnack"? Go to Sheetz. Need coffee not scooped from the bottom of a Folger's can? Go to Sheetz. Need to binge-eat after a melodramatic break-up with the school's going-nowhere-fast football quarterback? Go to Sheetz. Need to placate your crying child ("cry it out" be gone)? Go to Sheetz. Need to find a friend who's not answering the phone? Go to Sheetz.
For goodness sake, it was essentially a community center with a corporate logo slapped on its rooftop and a fryer shoved in the back. And it was glorious.
So, let me try to explain this fascination -- lifestyle, really -- to you as best I can. But if you'd like to save yourself the reading time, just go try a Mocha Kona or Fluffernutter (yes, Fluffernutter) next you're in rural Pennsylvania -- your taste buds will answer all the questions I can't.
The classic Sheetz turkey sub (note: sub, not hoagie).
Let me get this out of the way up top: No one comes to Sheetz for a healthy bite. And if you are, prepare to be eyed up like a dame at a diner, because the whole point here is to be the most hedonistic version of yourself possible. Here, we've got the Twisted BLT breakfast sandwich (guys, it's only 800 calories), the Boss Burger (a bacon-burger classic, but with Sheetz signature boom boom sauce), an assortment of cheap "hotdogz" (twofer deals abound), "shwings" and Mexican food that, I dare say, at least rivals Qdoba on the quality spectrum. And while the muffins admittedly leave a little to be desired (fine, you win, Wawa), the cookies -- particularly the peanut butter no-bakes and the throw-everything-in-a-bowl-and-stir trash can cookie -- have a celestial quality to them. Their lightly glazed chocolate cake donut, meanwhile, remains my favorite donut of the gas-station-luxe variety.
Oh, and what's a hoagie, anyway? Go Subz, or go home.
In truth, I don't love Sheetz coffee. But before I totally lose you, let me explain: I'm not always in the mood for the overwhelming Arabica flavor, but when I am, its dark-roast notes hit the spot in a way that's unique and comforting. I don't abhor Wawa's coffee, and I do, in fact, find it to be more drinkable -- but "drinkable" does not equal better. Plus: I'll forever adore Sheetz for giving away free coffee on Christmas Day, a years-running tradition that never fails to rope in a sweatpants army by noon -- truly, a sight to behold.
I could just drop "Fluffernutter" here and call it a day, but I'd be remiss to not emphasize just how well Sheetz executes its specialty drinks. Drink sizes? There are always three -- at least. Flavored lattes? Add whatever basic or bizarre Monin syrup you want -- sugar free, even, in the case of vanilla and caramel. (And, God bless 'em, they always ask me if I want the chocolate syrup on top anyway -- "Even though it's not sugar free.") Coffee? There's no skimping on the espresso -- I'm plenty buzzed, halfway through my cappuccino. Frozen coffee drinks? They're the thick and creamy blast of coffee flavor that I wish the Starbucks' frap would be.
And did I mention that Sheetz partners with Ghiradelli for its hot chocolate drinks? Because that's pretty important to know.
Yeah, it's a convenience store -- but many of its locations are gas stations as well. All but two of them, actually. Not until this year, a Sheetz spokesperson informed me, has Sheetz constructed non-gas-station storefronts -- the first two of which will open soon in State College, Pa., and Thomasville, N.C., two of 28 stores opening this year (adding up to a grand total of 500). It's also, in North Carolina, introducing E15 fuel this year, which is 15 percent ethanol and 85 percent gasoline -- an attempt to keep your car out of the shop and help the environment. (It's not coming this year to Pennsylvania, the spokesperson said, but do look for it down the line.) And while it's not exactly a science, I generally find I have more room to breathe when navigating a Sheetz pumping location by car; any anxious driver who's having a bad day can tell you the world of difference that makes.
Fortunately, I don't even need to do much anecdotal bragging on this end. (Though I must add that, in my day, I've received plenty a free drink after some pretty inconsequential order mess-ups.) To know: Sheetz was named by Forbes as No. 87 on its 2014 list of best places to work in the country. It's also made similar state-level lists in Pennsylvania, North Carolina, Virginia and Ohio, and has a tuition reimbursement program for its employees. And, in case you haven't heard, happy employees generally make for happy customers.
And now that I've told you all of the good news (which is to say, Sheetz is awesome), allow me to break the bad: Sheetz confirmed that it still has no plans to expand into the Philadelphia region. (Sad face.) Though, the company did issue a brief statement -- if a tad hokey -- on whether it looks at Wawa as a rival:
From Sheetz:
"Absolutely. It's a healthy competition, though. We're driven to win and we're constantly looking for ways to serve our customers better. Competition's a great way to keep striving to be the best ..."
... Followed by some PR mumbo-jumbo that no one cares about. But hey, at least they recognize that we're not dreaming up this Sheetz v. Wawa throwdown, right? And so the war continues.
